We all have an idealized version of ourselves—whether we’re aware of it or not. It’s shaped by societal conditioning, the media, family, friends, etc. But this “perfect self” is often a source of unnecessary suffering when we inevitably fall short of that ideal.

I often catch myself striving for an unattainable vision of the perfect father or leader. In my mind, there’s an image of a strong, compassionate, intelligent, and funny (yet earnest) man—always right, universally respected, and, of course, with a strong jawline. But the reality? I make mistakes—plenty of them.

This weekend, while attending the Imagine Festival on Orcas Island, I found myself stepping outside my usual patterns. I was surrounded by a community I don’t typically interact with—people in glittering costumes, embracing playfulness. At first, I felt a strong sense of discomfort and judgment creeping in and I wanted to keep my distance.

Then I attended a workshop called Sacred Fatherhood, where I joined a group of other men to reflect on our relationships with our fathers and how they shape our own fathering. This experience was unlike the usual small talk at my son’s soccer practice. It was deeply personal and raw—a space where men connected on the vulnerabilities of fatherhood.

The workshop facilitator reminded us that, as parents, we often teach our children just one way of being human. Yet, there are countless ways to live and grow, but as adults, we can easily get trapped in rigid identities shaped by life’s conditioning—and unintentionally pass that on to our kids. This realization hit home for me: flexibility isn’t just important in fatherhood, but in all aspects of life. It’s about remaining open, adaptable, and willing to explore the many ways we can show up authentically in the world.

This insight immediately made me reflect on my work. One of the things that has always drawn me to the mission at �ǿ����޴�ý is our flexibility and responsiveness to individual needs. At �ǿ����޴�ý, we meet students where they are and encourage them to explore the many ways of being human. For me, this flexibility unlocks new ideas, fosters deeper connections, and creates a sense of belonging—something that’s especially important in a world where social isolation is becoming more common.

There’s no “one right way” to live. We need to let go of holding ourselves to impossible standards. Instead, if we embrace flexible ways of being human, we open ourselves to the unpredictable beauty of life and the endless opportunities that come with it.

My takeaway from Imagine 2024? Let’s hold ourselves lightly. Let’s explore the myriad possibilities that life offers and pass that message on to our students and children.

Jed Miley

Jed Miley is the Executive Director of �ǿ����޴�ý, and a Seattle-based Flamenco guitarist, composer, and producer. After hearing Flamenco for the first time in 1996 he was hooked and began a lifelong journey to study this artform. Throughout his career, he has since performed at top venues like Lincoln Center and collaborated with notable Flamenco companies including Flamenco Vivo Carlota Santana, and currently, Oleaje Flamenco. Jed's in-depth training in Seville and his love for Flamenco fusion have spurred various projects that blend Flamenco with other music styles. He continues to share his craft through performances across the Northwest.